PTSD

 Today, I was where I am supposed to be.  As a customer service agent who works from a large call center, I never know who I will speak to when I answer the phone with, "Thank you for calling ******. My name is Kate. How may I help you?"

A woman replied with her name, clearly shaken and near tears, and told me of the problem.  She and her husband reside in Ft. Myers, Florida, which just a week ago experienced a devastating hurricane named Ian. While Ian flooded many areas and the surge wiped out many homes, her issue is greater than that.  

This woman I will call Barbara to make it easier to understand is married to a post-Viet Nam vet who suffers from PTSD. Ft. Myers now resembles a war zone and has exacerbated the husband's PTSD. I will further refer to the husband as Mark for easy understanding. Barbara was near tears because last evening, her husband purchased Amtrak tickets to get them up into New England and get the both of them out of Florida.  

There was a problem with the transaction made using a debit card, at least that is what they believed. But more worrisome than the debit card to me was Barbara's state of mind. I know how small things can cause a person with PTSD to blow up and become unreasonable. I listened to Barbara as she wept and explained that the real issue was her husband's reaction as he blew things totally out of proportion.  My heart hurt for Barbara. 

I spent 22.5 years married to a man with PTSD from being in Viet Nam as a Marine. I remember that at the beginning of our marriage, I thought his lack of self-control wasn't off the charts, but I had no idea how much worse it gets with age and additional trauma. I knew Barbara's fear and the pain she was feeling and how she was examining how she could have easily minimized this event by possibly making the transaction herself and keeping it quiet and resolving the issue when he wasn't around.  But she couldn't.

She wasn't on his account and he had made the transaction from an account with only his name on it. I could not assist her in getting this cleared up and could not share any information from the account with her. However, I inquired whether her husband was attending PTSD classes at the nearest VA to help him control his anger. He is, but like me, she is still having just as rough a time of dealing with his outbursts as I did with my husband. 

I remember how irrational he was and would blow up when he dropped something such as a box of cereal and then would kick it to death while cereal spewed everywhere. I remember how saying, "No" or disagreeing with him would send him into an unreasonable rage. I kept my purse with my keys by the front door so that I could make a quick escape if needed.  Occasionally, if my parents weren't home, I slept in their basement. If they were home, I found a place to park the car and slept in the car. 

For the longest time, I was afraid of befalling harm.  Then one day I was no longer afraid. I did get hurt physically, but emotionally, I no longer felt anything. I didn't feel love, hate, or fear.  I prayed a lot for deliverance and knew that whatever happened, Heavenly Father was in control and the only thing I could do was pray and have faith.  

I have now been free of that relationship for 12 years.  At first, I was lost, but as time passed, I found myself.  I now suffer from a type of PTSD along with Adrenal Fatigue as a result of so much stress for such a long period. For fear of entering a similar situation, I'm cautious about entering relationships. I am working on myself. Healing is the most important thing. It took years to get here and it will take years to heal. 

If you know someone with war-related PTSD, encourage them to get help. The ones they love will suffer as much as they do not get the help that can get them back into the life they deserve..